Thursday, August 31, 2006

More mumbling...

Well...I think tomorrow will be a very busy and expensive day. I'm psyching myself up for it. Hydrovac trench digging at $180 and hour, then plumbers....yeesh. I mean we spent a bunch of money on a laptop and software last week but that's fun stuff. I can play with the laptop and J will can use it for DJ sets. This? Well I'll buy dirt, bury a pipe and then I'll do some laundry...and everything will be EXACTLY the same. Well, no flooding IF it works, but that just seems rather far away at the moment. Plus it's just damn expensive - about 3X the cost of a "normal" trench...because we're special. It had better work, that's all I have to say about it. Because I know of a lot of other things I'd rather spend this on.
I just hate when things have to be's paying lots of money for things to stay just the way they are. With any luck it'll only take 2 hours for the trench (oh please oh please...).
I still have to find a truck to borrow to get some dirt. Then buy some dirt and move it. It feels wierd to buy dirt. Then I have tohaul it around the yard. It was left up to me to look after as J is so busy, so I'm gonna do it...I just hope I don't screw it up and cause us to spend obsene amounts of $$ for a useless trench and pipe...Nothing like a little stress to get the job done!!

Ah, don't listen to me, I'm just obsessing and I didn't get much sleep from the heat.
Just had to get that out of my system so I could get some work done.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

My Mom thinks I'm cool

I luv my Mom - she is so sweet.
I've always liked penguins and she called me last night out of the blue just to let me know there was a documentary starting on PBS about them.
She and Dad are coming to visit tonight as she has a schwack of doctor appointments here in the city tomorrow. It'll be nice to see them for a bit.
Hmmm...strangely enough Dad doesn't want to stay and visit when my brother comes on friday, as that's when all hell breaks loose at our house - I mean, why wouldn't he want to help: snake my floor drain, snake the line to the sewer, dig a trench, go get and unload a truckload of dirt, lay pipe, fill in the trench and fix the dryer? I mean, sounds like fun to me. What a way to start the weekend.
I feel like Tom Sawyer...Man, I can hardly wait - yeah, it'll be great! Anyone want to help? You're really missing out on a whack of fun here.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Stupid weather...stupid magic bean...

the huge blustery noisy storm that kept me up all night blowing stuff al over the place has appeared to have put a big crack in our windshield. *sigh* I have no idea how, but the way stuff was blowing around last night it could've been all sorts of things. Sure the crack is in the passenger side, but what gives? I can't fix that. I just hope it'll last til spring for use to fix it.
That's always the way it goes for us.All at once. I already have a broken dryer, dishwasher and we have someone coming to dig a trench in our yard on friday so the basement won't flood whenever it rains a lot (yay!). It'll cost a lot (boo!). But it must be done. Anyone know someone with a truck and wheelbarrow I can borrow on friday? I have to buy some dirt to fill the trench back up, as they have to actually hydrovac out the trench because we are lucky enough to have a wierd shaped yard where you can't get in to do it any other way. Lucky us. Lucky lucky us. Oh well, at least I won't be mopping out the basement anymore (I hope). Woot.

And now, my poor little Peanut? He took us through the mountains and this is how we repay him? If we didn't have to dig the trench we could probably fix him...I'll just have to be nice to him until that magic bean I planted in the yard grows into a money tree by spring. I'm not to hopeful tho. It's been a month and nada. Maybe I should be watering it more...

Monday, August 28, 2006

And another great thing about me...

Thanks to scary white girl here's another list of 26 pointless trivia about me...all true.

1. What's on your bedside table? On top? My alarm clock, a sandalwood book mark, a safety pin, a pen, a candle holder, my spare glasses and Alice in Wonderland
2. What's the geekiest part of your music collection? Heh heh..I have Boston- First Stage and some Elton John. (*blush*)
3. What do you eat when you raid the fridge at night? Cream cheese, or ANY cheese and some kind of cracker to eat it with.
4. What is your secret guaranteed weeping film?It’s a Wonderful Life. I’ve seen it a zillion times, but I cry every time.
5. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?I’m generally against plastic surgery unless you have a kind of deformity or a real problem. Yet…I’d think about having the stretch marks taken off my body (I don’t think it can be done tho). Losing lots of weight that I gained when I was young has left me with them all over. I don’t mind too much – I look better than I ever have. It’s just one of those things…they don't tan well so I go all zebra in the summer.
6. Do you have a completely irrational fear? Yes, of the dark...and that there may be zombies there in the dark. Go on and watch The Fog when you’re 4 – see what happens to YOU!
7. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments? When my hair was longer, I’d wrap it around my fingers a lot. I look at my watch and bite my lip when I’m nervous.
8. Do you ever have to beg? Not really(…not about anything you’d want to know about anyways) I'm too independant. I earn it and take it.
9. Do you have too many love interests?No. Just 1.
10. Do you know anyone famous?I know an MLA, does that count?? A friend of mine's hands were seen playing the piano in Little about that??
11. Describe your bed:4 poster rustic black/bronze metal frame, draped in sheer white fabric with lights and crystals hanging all over. Super high thread count sheets and a homemade quilt. This winter we’ll have a duvet. Oh yeah…
12. Spontaneous or plan?If it’s a longer trip I plan the sh*t out of it (I have a lot of unorganized friends and I'm tired of how they always need/run out of stuff and if I plan for it, it never seems to happen). As for everyday stuff, I’m up for just about anything. There's an advantage to having the world in your purse.
13. Who should play you in a movie about your life?Neve Campbell. I’ve been told I look like her by a lot of people and I like her.
14. Do you know how to play poker? Yup. Not very good at the poker face part though. It’s too random a game for me. I'd rather play Hearts or Wizard.
15. What do you carry with you at all times? My keys. They're on a clasp on a beltloop at work and they just stay there jingling away until I take them off at night. And, I seem to always end up with my purse, as somehow wives end up having to carry the wholehouse around with them “just in case”.
16. How do you drive? Badly. Well, OK maybe that's a bit harsh...just a bit too fast and too close. I usually ride my bike, so I don’t drive often enough to be really good. I am good with a standard though. Oh, and I’m not allowed to pass in the mountains anymore…I’ve nearly killed us twice.
17. What do you miss most about being little?You could run and play and be silly without having to justify it to anyone. Plus someone could always kiss it and make it better.
18. Are you happy with your given name?I used to hate it…I wanted to be called Rayven. I’m OK with it now. I’m actually glad to have a name that can’t be shortened. And no don't try...then I'll just have to kill you.
19. What color is your bedroom? a happy pale lime green. My happy color…with white accents and dark wood.
20. What was the last song you were listening to? The last song on The Bloodthirsty Lovers self titled album – on the iPod when I exercised this morning.
21. Have you ever been in a school play? Yup-a camel in the christmas play. I was horrible - I had 4 lines and forgot 2 of them. I kept to the props & light crew after that.
22. Have you ever been in love? Yup.
23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself? Most days yes. I feel more at peace with myself than I ever have. Occasionally I'll get down on myself. I often wonder what others think of me, but as for me, I think I'm pretty OK. ("my mom says I'm cool...")
24. Have you ever done any illegal drugs? Yes.
25. Do you think you're cute? Damn straight.
26. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? Yes. I can be quite revoltingly happy in the right situations! And I try and make the world a better place starting with myself. There's a quote by confucious (which of course I can't think of right now) about getting your own heart and soul in order before trying to fix/help others...I really believe in that. If everyone paid attention to being a better person a whole lot would change.

30 Helens agree

"try this: for the rest of the summer, or maybe just a week, or even a day - unplug. Put away all your electronic gizmos and go outside. Lie under a tree. Watch the clouds. Smell the air. Enjoy real life, rather than a virtual version of it"

~David Suzuki
(Just another reason why he's a hero of mine...)

Best breakfast ever

OK, so take a fresh, soft, lightly toasted, multigrain bagel, spread blueberry cream cheese on it and then put some sliced peaches on top.


Sunday, August 27, 2006

The Mosters in my Closet

I always empathised with Binkley, the kid in the Bloom County cartoon who had a monster in his closet, because until I was about 13 or so, I was convinced I had one too.
When I was 4 we moved to a small town and to a small little house in that town. It was built around 1920 so it was all little rooms, tiny closets and a dirt basement. At first I shared a room with my brother and he enjoyed scaring the bejeezus out of me whenever possible. We had walkie talkies and they were used to create monster voices under the bottom bunk (my bed) and the closet. The storm sewer was under the room. Glen convinced me that monsters hibernated there in the winter. It was a long first winter...A dripping tap in the kitchen sounded like someone was hitting a key on our living room piano over and over again...but noone was there! After I worked that one out, my brother entered his teen years. I adored my brother (still do really) and would idolize him and try and do everything he did. He's about 6 years older than me, so when he got into his teenage watching slasher/horror film phase I followed along and had nightmare fodder for years to come. Any noise at night was Jason/Freddy/Michael/aliens/zombies and those Fog creatures....well you get the idea. Lets just say I have a very active imagination.
I'd just begun to figure out that I was probably not on the monster lunch menu when my dad fixed up my bedroom after my brother left for college. Somehow he managed to mess with things so that the air pressure in the room was somehow released by a heat vent in the closet. Sounds boring, but to me, it meant that I'd go to bed in my dark room (no window), turn off the lights and a few minutes later my closet door would slam open for no reason...I would have screamed, but then the thing in the closet would have known where I was. Flashlights didn't help - what if it was invisible? A vampire? Who knows?? I slept with my neck covered well into highschool and it took a few weeks to get "used" to the closet. I never could quite convince myself that there was nothing in there. To this day I like to sleep with the closet door open...and until I met my husband I often covered my neck with the sheets when I slept. I mean, it's not a good idea to tempt the vampires you know...

This small look into the monsters in my closet and why I am as wierd as I am today was brought to you by Sunday Scribblings....

Seeeeeeeeee! Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The window J & I designed and I made is in the door and the door is painted - so it's real and finished and ever so cool...



Now I have to find something else to do...nifty.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Drinking and cooking are a great combination

It's time once again for me to blather on about something yummy I invented.
It's veggie season and I'm having a blast inventing new ways to eat as many of them as I can. Last night I had a craving for a creamy curry chicken with green beans and zuchinni to serve over baked potatoes. Soooo I cracked open a bottle of wine and made it up as I went along. It was so good I wrote it down to make again. I submitted it to but they don't publish all their submitted recipes so I can't take the chance - because it'd be sad if you never got to have it too! I get to have it again for lunch now. Yay...

Green Bean Chicken with Curried Cream Sauce

1 chicken breast, diced
1T olive oil
½ bag (~2 ½ c) frozen Green Giant green/yellow bean & carrot mix
2 ½ c chopped zuchinni (~1/2” squares)
1 stalk celery, sliced
½ red onion chopped
5 cloves garlic, diced
1 rounded T Pataks Curry sauce (hot) (dissolved in ¼ c water)
¾ t turmeric
½ t cumin
½ t coriander
¼ t fresh ground pepper
1 T low salt chicken OXO
1T Worcester sauce
¼ c white wine
~1 c water
1 can Campbells cream of mushroom soup
1 T cornstarch dissolved in 3 T water

Serve over/with:
4 Yukon Potatoes, baked

Before you begin, prick potatoes with a fork and wrap in paper towel. Nuke them until they are cooked to your taste.
Steam beans, carrots and celery until they are nearly done in ½ c water (~6 minutes), and set aside.
While the beans are steaming, sauté chicken and garlic in oil in a large saucepan until chicken is cooked and then add the onion and zuchinni, wine, chicken OXO and Worchester sauce and sauté for a few minutes until onions start to clear and zuchinni begins to soften.
Add the curry, the beans and the water they steamed in, ½ c water and the other spices and simmer for a 2-3 minutes. Add the mushroom soup and stir to completely dissolve the soup. Then add ~ ¾ cup of water to have the desired amount of sauce (if you want more/less sauce adjust the water accordingly). Simmer on low-med heat for about 5 minutes to incorporate the flavours in to the sauce, but don’t let it boil.
Thicken with cornstarch and simmer until the veggies are cooked but not mushy (however you like them). Rewarm the potatoes, slice them open and serve the curried veggies over them.

PS -wtf is up with blogger? It took me ages to post this. Then it posted 4 of it....


Seeing as I started a bit of a political sh*tstorm with my last post, I'll focus on another area of interest for me today.
Ever since I was small I've loved to stare at the sky. My brother and I had a little kids telescope and were always staring at the moon in the back yard. Our friend Ken has a telescope and is really into it and whenever there is something extra interesting out there we try and go sponge off his astronomy skills to see the universe. With his help we've seen Mars and Saturn. We've even got glow in the dark stars inthe basement for when it is too cold to go outside and look at the sky in the winter (there's a Saturn and moon down there too - I've yet to track down the other planets). Even last weekend at Waskeiu we tried to take shots of the perfectly clear starry sky (no tripod, but we tried...). J and I sat by the firepit and stared at the sky for hours long after the family had gone to bed.

And so I'm always checking out the Hubble Telescope Image Diary and the NASA site devoted to the Mars rovers. I still can'tbelieve they're still going - and noone seems to pay much attention. I mean, PEOPLE! There are robotic exploring cameras scientifically analyzing the surface of the planet Mars and they've been going 10X longer than anyone ever hoped for! You can watch them, see what they see, hear what they heard as they landed, and learn what they learned. Cheers I say! A few my way also scoff at the Hubble and it's practicality as a research tool. I'm no astronomer or physicist, but the images it's taken take my breath many beautiful worlds and galaxies. Just. Beautiful.

What brought this on? Well, I'm a little blue, as Pluto (my second favorite planet after Jupiter) is no longer officially a planet, but we've hung out and had a few beers and a chat in the back yard and I think both of us will be able to come to terms with it!
I've never been partial to labels anyways...

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Can anybody fly this thing?

I have come to the conclusion that our prime minister is an idiot.
Recently a member of parliament compared Hesballah to the Nazis in WW2 in their desire to wipe out Isreal. Did Prime Minister Harper ask him to retract or rephrase the statement? Nope. He said it was a valid and fair comparison. Perhaps he’d had sunstroke? I hope so…

Because after all, having a resentment about the Jewish nation and wanting the nation gone from your traditional homeland is just like wanting to exterminate every single living Jewish person in the world.
Oh yeah. Sure…no differences there at all.
In fact, I don’t like the neighbors that bought out the land I used to own all of and moved in next door. They have weird customs and beliefs and are trying to push them on me – hey I know - I want them exterminated…yeah…that’s it. It’s not that I want them to move out and get my land back -I want to kill them all.

See what I mean?

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t support terrorism as a way of getting what you want. It is deplorable and many helpless people suffer. I don’t think things have ANY easy solution, but if they have a political wing and the world was willing to meet and debate with the IRA, how is this much different? To me, it’s like the Catholic/Protestant thing in Ireland. You can’t take something fundamentally different, change it and force it on people without making some people unhappy and you can’t use brute force to crush terrorism. These people firmly believe what they do – enough to die and kill innocent people for it. They’re not going to just give up and go home for tea.
And after the way that Isreal has been acting lately? Are they any better? It is deplorable in my eyes…they are using the rescue of a soldier as a ruse to wreak all sorts of havoc and noone seems to have the balls to say “Erm…pardon me, but that is just too far.”., I’m really off topic now. Rambling in my old age.
So let me sup up:
-Terrorism is bad
-Our prime minister is a bafoon…I hope he’ll be gone soon.
- Hesballah are NOT like Nazis is enough ways that I shouldn’t even need to describe it
-Isreal needs to step back and stop pillaging - they're turning into a mini US
-I need to stop watching the news. It just angers me. my soapbox. I got labwork to do.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Look down, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down

So the post I did for our waskesiu trip is below my post from yesterday....
Not sure why, but if you want to see the photos scrol down.
Waaaaaaaaayy down....
(Cue Friendly Giant music...)

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Soundtrack to My Movie

This was on Betty’s weblog. I think it’s a great idea:
Open up your music player and set it to shuffle. For each line/question hit the next/forward button. Say what song is playing for each line. Don't cheat either, just put the song that comes up. Seeing as I took my iPod with me today, here goes...

Opening Credits: "Sidewalk Surfer Girl" – Super Furry Animals

So far so good. I'd see a movie that started with this.

Waking Up: "The Golden Age (Live)" – The Flaming Lips

Hmmm…a Beck remix by the Lips…a good way to wake up I think.

Falling in Love: "Mother Africa Feeding Sista In" – Fun-Da-Mental/Thievery Corporation

Perhaps my kind of love is a reggae/funky danceable kind of love…?

Fight scene: "Shuffle Your Feet" - The Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Damn…I was hoping for some Prodigy. Guess it’s more of a casual friendly having a beer and a game of pool sort of fight…

Breaking up: "One Time Too Many" – PJ Harvey

Yeah OK. Apparently I’ll whine a lot to the music when I break up with someone.

Looking Back On Your Life: "Block Rockin Beats" – Chemical Brothers

Woot. Apparently I have a very rocking life…I see a montage with quick fades and action shots….maybe some explosions…yeah. That’s it.

Getting back together: "Skym" - Underworld
Getting back together in veeeeery slow and mellow kinda way. Slow mo I suspect.

Secret Love: "The Turning Tide" – Super Furry Animals
“Things aren’t as they seem – it’s conspiracy”…cool.

Life's okay: "The Crow" – DJ Food

Ah -a nice mellow life. It’s a song I like to stroll to.

Mental breakdown: "Crooked Teeth" – Death Cab For Cutie
“I built you a hole in my heart, with rotting wood that decayed from the start. You can’t find nothing at all if there was nothing there all’re so cute when you’re slurring your speech- they’re closing the bar and they want us to leave…” Yeah OK. I’ll go with that.

Partying: "Keep the Living Bodies Warm” - Tangiers
Totally. This is dancing like an idiot music.

Long night alone: "Deeper" – Econoline Crush
Yeah…a moody night alone. Kinda dark…maybe gothy or deeply depressed in an artsy kinda way - no ALL the above

Final Battle: "Blackhole" – Beck
Um…well, perhaps a very disjointed mumbly battle.

Death Scene: "Juice (Know the Ledge) – Main Mix" – Eric B. & Rakim
I guess I have a very funky death.

Ending Credits: "Love Angel" – The Gift (Tiesto-Nyana)
Woot – a psytrance credit roll. I like it.'s strange to think of how much I have on the machine and this is what came up.
Now I just have to sell J on the idea and we can start filming...

Monday, August 21, 2006


Soo...anyone interested ina few photos of our weekend at Waskesiu??
We spent a lazy weekend there with Jay's family: his parents his brother and wife and munchkin and sister and husband. The Lost Creek Cabins where we stayed were a few minutes out of town so it was more private and we could walk into town to the beach and relax. There was even a jacuzzi outside and a barbecure pit - other than melting the bushpie maker it was all good! J and I and his sister and husband spent Saturday doing a nice 9.5 K hike...a very mellow afternoon.
On the hike there was an observation tower on top of the hil. It was great - you could see for miles.

And lots of pretty things.

Hee hee - you can see the caterpillar feet!
And the views at night?

Yup. We had a nice weekend...

The secret life of my pet (Sunday Scribbles)

Dear Diary,

My master says that I am improving.
Throughout my childhood and training as a paduan I have been learning how to become less clumsy and refine my abilities. I have mastered the art of running and leaping from balconies onto people's heads and jumping out to surprise my opponants with my mighty roar and dazzling footwork. I can retract my claws and meditate upon the cloud chair of air and I am beginning to move the training ball with the power of my mind. I can fit through impossibly small spaces and leap unthinkable heights. I am hopeful that I will be able to pull all my feet up under me and hover above the ground by the end of the week. Soon I will embark on my testing journey into the ductworks of the wilderness where I will face my greatest fear and defeat it. I have heard the creatures in the walls at night and been mocked for my diligence but the time will come. Oh great invisible monsters beware-I am coming for you.
I was chosen for my balance and agility. Some, like my jaded furry companion, have learned to dance and do tricks in the hopes of attention. Fah - that is not for me. I am a trained fighter. I have seen the enemies approach from the hedges and grassy knolls and know I am needed to protect my home. It is through perseverence I will complete my training. I will become more than just a cat - I will be one with all things.
We and my fellow trainees meet at night insecret. All the work we do to keep our masters safe is unknown. We are the unthanked keepers of freedom and justice -the guardians in this dangerous world. Oh the others *think* it is the dogs who protect them and watch over them. They are blind to the truth - it is the feline forces that keep them safe. Our canine brothers merely watch for us and allow us to do our work unhindered. The elders tell us that as we develop our skills we will one day pass on what we have learned to the young ones who come after us. In time they will give up the bitts of fluff and fuzzy mice and begin to hunt the mighty mice and giant insects that threaten to take over our masters homes. We are the last line of defence in keeping our world safe.
I am Ezekiel.
My master tells me I will soon be a jedi.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Shambhala de da de da

I'm back from Waskesiu and I finally have a few minutes to myself...
And so, I just have to post a few photos from Shambhala. Of course I didn't take very many, but hopefully they'll hint at the goodness. The festival was really unlike anything I've ever been to a mini world I went to for 5 days. 10000 people all very happy, united in the hopes of having a fantastic time. People from all over, all shapes and sizes and everyone just being themselves, camping out in the mountains.
Like a pimped up Motion Notion with the added fresh scent of lemon.
6 stages - so no matter what, if there wasn't what you wanted at one stage there was always somewhere else to go...and stages each had their own vibe - the beach stage which was by a mountain creek, was mostly reggae and funk, great for swimming and dancing, and at night a bit of house. People of the likes of Spongle and Cilla played there.

The Fractal Forest stage was a in a grove of trees, with lazers and the DJ stage was in a giant stump of an old tree - lots of breaks and funk to be had - DJ XS nd Michelle Bass were there (XS is a buddy of the Thievery Corporation and records with Thunderball and Chris Joss - I talked to him for a while, cool guy. I told him to tell them all to keep making fantastic music).

The Portal was nestled in the woods and was home to a lot of world beats and psy trance/techno goodness - DJ Hallucinogen played there.

The main stage was a rave out center with lights and sounds and lots of blinky lights- I got to see the Freestylers there (a favorite of mine from the UK). The Village (an EWOK VILLAGE! Mee hee!) had walkways in the trees where much goodness was played and some people were fishing for hippies and ravers with glowsticks from the upper walkways. The Rock Pit was a good old fashioned pit stage. All through the trees paths wandered from stage to stage to beach to foods to tents, lit up with strange lights with things always in the trees wherever you looked. At night it was like a whole other world. I've really not experienced anything else even close to it...everyone was so free and unique...I've seen a large buffed black man wearing nothing but chaps and a feather boa. I've seen Chewbacca and Princess Leia, Mario, knights, maidens, vampires, X Men, monsters on stilts, men with mirrorball heads, twisted pixies, a man with a giant happy hammer, aliens, warriors, soldiers form the future, smurfs, full out amazon warriors, a naked chick selling watermelon, acrobats, a guy who sold me a martini wearing a pink frilly crab costume, and a leprechaun...just to name a few.
There were lots of crazy other outfits with no particular theme and fantastic music of all sorts 24 hours a day. Needless to say I felt right at home in my Tank costume, which came out on a few nights. When I left for Shambhala I set out to find myself and rediscover what I needed. I do believe I found the beginning to a great many wonderful things that are becoming who I's a process. A process I am looking forward to.

We camped with our friend Ken and his group of friends...they were all amazing friendly people. Two of them had just gotten married a few days before in a full midieval wedding...they had a Just Married sign over their tent...and the thing is, everyone we met was like that: interesting, unique and full of life. Maybe we just got lucky but there was an overabundance of happy people there enjoying the music and the time to play in the woods.
A good time...

I had a fantastic time...on my anniversary I got to give Jay something that is a slight bit close to just how much I feel for him and give back what he brings to my life...a girl I met raises butterflies as a hobby and was releasing them to people just to make them happy. So I got to find Jay and give him a tiny box with a poem on it about the legend of whispering a wish to a butterfly and setting it free to take it to be heard and answered...and then when he opened it there was a live monarch butterfly inside, just out of hibernation! He was stunned as it walked out, flapped its wings and flew to his shoulder a minute, then onto my shoulder and then off into the sky to take his wish away. It was something I'll remember forever.

Ah all joy and all for my love...

So many memories. All good ones.
And with that on my mind...goodnight.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

All we are saying... give peas a chance.


I'm back late LATE last night and I'm back at work this morning.
When I get a few minutes I'll post.
I just wanted to takke a sec to say I'm here, happy and glad to be back and I feel refreshed and alive. So much to say and so much to do before I head off for a family weekend tomorrow but I will try to get in a post or two before I'm off again to tell you all about it.

PS. Happy Birthday Trent. Sorry I missed it.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Here we go again...

Well, it's the wee hours.
All is packed and baked and all that jazz and tomorrow we are off to Shambhala (I'd link to it but no linky on my mac-ey). I'm feeling a bit better. More level. I've found bits of myself, and that is a start...enough to be on the road to something or someone. And J is right here with me, so that is all I could hope for.
I finished my mirror helmet and I must say-it is way cooler than even I had imagined. There will definitely be pics when I return. I even got a 40 Watt Club shirt printed up for the occasion.
And, AND, I found a bright yellow rain jacket with bright yellow rain boots.
Oh yeah.

It's been days off relaxing and Fringing and visiting old sick grandmas and making obsene amounts of food, and I should say more but honestly, I am WAY too tired to think. I figured I'd better type this before I forgot and took off tomorrow. Just wanted to say call off the search. I'm out here somewhere.

At least one of the parts of me I found was the part that likes to dance...
See you all in a week...

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Who else might I have been?

That’s a tough question. This prompt from Sunday Scribbles sparked a lot of thought, as I’m currently in a personal lurch, thinking about just who I am, where I’ve been, where I belong and where I’m going. I’m not a fatalist, but I like to think that people meet for a reason and that the people I’ve come into contact with are with me to teach me something. So many important people in my life were not ones I sought out. I’m shy by nature, sometimes quite frustratingly so. Working alone only compounds that.
The movie Run Lola Run really reflects what I feel about the casual contacts of life - the main character lives through the same situation 3 times and each time, you see how her interaction with certain characters changes their lives, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better, with tiny moments changing everything for her. It really formed an opinion for me about how we influence the lives of others, even total strangers. I guess it’s why I am so adamant about being nice to people and trying to make the world a better place. For example, I often wonder just where I’d be if I hadn’t met my husband. I met my husband by chance when he was videotaping my friend’s wedding. I knew who he was as we’d gone to the same college, but I’d never gotten around to talking to him much. After the wedding was over a mutual friend was hitting on me and asking me out for coffee and I basically commandeered him to come along with us. We were fast friends and fell in love soon after. And I still love him…and most days I like him too.
But I digress.
I believe if I had never met my husband I would still be a scientist. I might be off gathering samples in rainforests or hunting cures in Level 4 facilities, but I’d still have a deep thirst for knowing how and why things work. Perhaps I would have a different perspective on things. Maybe I’d be a archeologist or an aid nurse. Who knows? When you have a partner, often your ideas merge together or you do what you need to do make life work. I’d love to do grad studies, but we can’t afford it. Often times I feel that people merge too much and you have to take a step back and make the chalk outlines around yourself to redefine your boundaries…that’s where I feel like I’m at right now – blurry and abstract-like a camera out of focus. Your past is very clear but your future…well there’s no telling where it could go. Maybe it’s why I’m being introspective and not writing a story about my future self. I wonder about how much of my life has shaped who I am. And how I’ll shape that future self.
I wonder often, what if I’d come from a broken home? My parents aren’t perfect, but they love each other. I’ve never worried that they wouldn’t be together. Maybe I’d have a different attitude towards love and relationships if they had not been happy. Maybe I’d be more honest with myself. Maybe I’d trust less. I’m not sure which would be better…or worse.
The thing is, in a different life, I’d likely be more independent than I am now. Without a social partner to make banter and small talk I would be challenged to be more outgoing and discover what I like, as I remember being many years ago. Then again, I’m just as likely to have met someone else who would have fit the same role. I like to think I’d be a social butterfly, but the truth is that is not likely. I’m more of a lady bug or dragonfly I guess – labrats don’t get a lot of socializing! I seem to be destined to be the helper who is there when you need her, supportive and smiling and as a result I envy those with social graces and the ability to enter a room confidently and chat up whomever they please. Part of this level of thinking prompted me to conclude in the midst of writing this that I need to live my life as though I were single for a while– not to be alone or because I was unhappy as a couple, but because I felt that I was getting lost in the daily muddle of life. That I had to rediscover what and who I am and be “me”…to not be caught up in the day to day things and pay attention to what I need. To just live life and do the things I enjoy and put up with the rest of the crap that comes along, not looking for worries when there are none. I tend to worry about my self and what I need after putting everyone else first, and need to stop just being someone who gets things done and always has a smile on your face. When you put others first you start to fade away. When people ask you for opinions you don’t have them. That’s sad. That’s why I’m sad today as I write this. Sad for the me that seems to have wandered off and I can't find her.
Honestly I’m terrified of ending up like the couple in the song Brothers on a Hotel Bed by Death Cab for Cutie:

“You may tire of me as our December sun is setting
'Cause I'm not who I used to be
No longer easy on the eyes
These wrinkles masterfully disguise
The youthful boy below
who turned your way and saw
Something he was not looking for
Both a beginning and an end
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize
When he catches his reflection on accident

On the back of a motor bike
With your arms outstretched trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind
But even at our swiftest speed
We couldn't break from the concrete
In the city where we still reside
And I have learned
That even landlocked lovers yearn
For the sea like navy men
'Cause now we say goodnight
From our own separate sides
Like brothers on a hotel bed

You may tire of me as our december sun is setting
'Cause I'm not who I used to be”

It is my solemn prayer and vow to not end up like this.
It is also my solemn vow to go get a cup of coffee.

Missing person

I got no sleep...3 hours at best. I'm having a bit of a rough patch of it really.
I feel out of touch with everything and everyone in cluding J.
And I don't like it.
Ever tried to fix something you just realised was broken and you don't know how?
Well I a holiday off to try and figure it out, but I feel like I'll ruin our time at the festival and a whole lot more if I don't figure things out. I just hope I don't ruin a lot more.

Meh...I'm just miserable.

Life is too tricky for me to figure out. Maybe I'll take a break from it tonight. If I get lucky J will come with me. I don't want feel alone beside him and I need "me" back. I haven't been myself the past few days. I feel like a missing person in my own skin. A stranger in my own house and someone whom J doesn't really know. I don't even know why I'm posting this - Ijust feel like I have to tell case they know where I went.
Have any of you seen me? I'm lost.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 not wake them - they are like 2 little boobalicious things...

Sigh. After a few days of it I have to ask:
Is there ever going to be a time when drawing boobs or a penis on a wall is finally considered to be absolutely stupid and crass by all? I'm not talking your nudes, or nudity per se (I like those actually), my problem is just the whole stick drawing of a penis and round w with nipples on it.
Because seriously, it is tacky and degrading. We are more than our dangly bits.
There is a sudden surge of tatas and johnsons being scribbled on walls and lockers around campus and the alleys of downtown and I would just like to ask the people drawing them:
-How old are you?
-Do you think this is amusing and if so, how?
-You know this definitely is NOT a way to impress the ladies right?
-Is the cost of a magazine too much for you?
-Would you like to take an art class? Seriously, they have actual nudes there to draw - you could draw the bits to your hearts content.
-Could you pick one wall and leave the rest of us in peace?
-Does your mother know you're out?

Because, seriously - I know 13 year old boys who could be doing this occasionally, but could they get all over town? It has to be some older people too...which is a bit disturbing really. The attitude of someone towards others, sex and sexuality in general would have to be somewhat curdled to do this kind of stuff. Now, don't get me wrong - I actually like graffiti. I notice it and will often photograph it- some of it can be quite beautiful or have something to say, even just someone's name written wierd or even "wooo" written really big. I'd settle for wooo instead of this. It leaves me with a strange taste in my mouth...

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The Winter of the Dance

This is a short film done by keri smith

It's inspiring. The spirit behind it is something I really identify with.
We need to be more alive and in touch with what makes us happy.
I love it.

Water IS Power

Well, I'm off on a crazy kick again. As it turns out, comstumes are encouraged at Shambhala and I wasn't going to bother, but then I got the "bug". You know, when an idea pops into your head and you have to try and do something. It happened with the Oola costume and now I have a new focus. I've always loved Tank Girl (comic AND movie) and although I'm more like Jet than Tank, I'm trying to make a costume that reflects the whole thing that is Tank Girl. I have dog tags and a strange shiny rain coat I found at Value Village. I may make a Tshirt that says 55 or 40 Watt Club" but I likely won't do much else, as I have a grand idea. In the film, during the musical number at the Liquid Silver whorehouse, Jet is wearing an army helmet that is covered up with little mirrored panels and looks like a mirror ball (she's also wearing see through plastic pants but there's no WAY I'm going there...). THAT is what I am going to try and do over the next week. If it doesn't work, oh well, but I'm heading to army surplus after work and I have the glass tools. All I need is patience and some super sticky adhesive...I'd love to make the whole missile bra thing as a Tank option, but that's WAY beyond me (and honestly a bit too attention grabbing for me) - there isn't enough time to even try, so I'll try and see what I can do over the next few days about a mirror helmet. The thing is, half the fun of this stuff is the making it. It's a bonus if it actually turns out well!!! If it doesn't work, there are times when Tank wears an aviator hat (got it...don't ask) or a helmet covered in fun fur, so that may be my alternative with the helmet if I can't get it to work....but I think I will. I also have a waterbottle I can put the water and power logo on it, just cuz I can. I think I'll just be Jet and be very happy to be her. I can't find a decent photo of the helmet, so you'll just have to go and watch the movie.
Go on. Watch it. You'll like it!

(...and yes, this just reaffirms my geekiness to the world!)

And if I can't make that work, I could always make a Happy Fingers hat in a pinch...after all I did get told to "Try applying your creativity to more artistic arenas, and letting your imagination take less practical forms." Yup, that'd be this alright.

Cunning Plans

 Life is wierd ya know. It seems a lot of things have been hitting me hard lately. Been distant from people, including my partner who is dea...