Tuesday, January 22, 2013

"Just when you think you're out...they pull you back in"

Currently unf*cking amused with the world of academic science. I'd like to put a match to it actually. I'm having run ins with my old supervisors and having a hell of a time trying to just finish things off in a way that gets me a paper without pissing off people. I am quite OK with writing one, and getting someone else with a medical pathology background to write up my results in a way that is useful and published for it's appropriate use. I do not delude myself in thinking it would not be a huge academic exercise to get this published if I were to try and do it on my own - it would end up hugely edited and rewritten and I'd rather let someone else do it.
What really bugs me? Well, when people step in and take over things from you and end up making something better and you go with the new version of things and then those people come back later and say "this would have been nothing if I hadn't stepped in you should be grateful. This wasn't your idea and you were guided through it"? Bollocks. Thesis and academic science differs form the real world in so many ways that I wash my hands of it. It's bitter and twisted and so full of academic pretense and posturing that I don't understand or need and I want to be done with it. I have 2 supervisors with completely different opinions of what I should be doing and ultimately I have come up with what *I* want to do and I will be doing it come hell or high water and then I am washing my hands of it all.

I will do my best to present my abstracts (some of which were completely rewritten without my consent...altho they are much better after "so really why aren't I grateful that i get to present this wonderful content?"...) and get a paper I feel I can write well done from my thesis work and let an expert write up other things and contribute to the work and be a second author...and then tell everyone I did my MSc with to politely f*ck off and leave me in peace to do my job and live my life.

I am so bloody tired of being told that although I did a tonne of work and put things forward, it's ultimately not mine. I get that it's collaboration. I don't have an ego. I just want to do "what's right" (whatever that is in the academic world) and THEN I want to take a step back and let the data be presented int he way that is best for the data - not for me and not for anyone else. This work needs to be used. That was my goal and in the end all I want. I have my MSc. I'm so done.

Yes. Being the former grad student of both a brilliant control freak and a curmudgeonly grammar nazi is a royal Pain In The Ass.

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