Friday, March 10, 2006

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy (aka Cruel Shoes)

I can't believe I forgot to say this. I'm absolutely ecstatic...after months, nay years of b*tching about my crappy winter boots my darling hubbie took me to Marks Work Warehouse last night and I am now the proud owner of a new pair of warm, waterproof and completely pain free winter boots. They even match my coat...AND they were on half off! Woot!

To quote Steve Martin:
(before the aliens stole him and replaced him with a bland copy):
"I've got happy feet!"


Geosomin said...

There is the short "Cruel Shoes" from Steve Martin's book "Cruel Shoes" that I feel I should put in here...seeing as I have just rid myself of a pair of them (and I love the book).

Anna knew she had to have some new shoes today, and Carlo had helped her try on every pair in the store. Carlo spoke wearily, "Well, that's every pair of shoes in the place."
"Oh, you must have one more pair ..."
"No, not one more pair...Well, we have the cruel shoes, but no one would want..."
Anna interrupted, "Oh yes, let me see the cruel shoes!"
Carlo looked incredulous. "No, Anna, you don't understand, you see, the cruel shoes are..."
"Get them!"
Carlo disappeared into the back room for a moment, then returned with an ordinary shoebox. He opened the lid and removed a hideous pair of black and white pumps. But these were not an ordinary pair of black and white pumps; both were left feet, one had a right angle turn with seperate compartments that pointed the toes in impossible directions. The other shoe was six inches long and was curved inward like a rocking chair with a vise and razor blades to hold the foot in place. Carlo spoke hesitantly, "...Now you see why...they're not fit for humans..."
"Put them on me."
"Put them on me!"
Carlo knew all arguments were useless. He knelt down before her and forced the feet into the shoes.
The sreams were incredible.
Anna crawled to the mirror and held her bloody feet up where she could see.
"I like them."
She paid Carlo and crawled out of the store into the street.
Later that day, Carlo was overheard saying to a new customer, "Well, that's every shoe in the place. Unless, of course, you'd like to try the cruel shoes."