I may end up looking like a bit of an ass to all of you by writing about this, and maybe I should just keep my mouth shut all together,but I'm hoping that spewing it out will help me figure out what to do...or that at least if I'm way off base you all can set me straight. Nothing major...just an oddity.
I'm a little off mentally, as we ran into someone I knew many years ago after seeing Avatar last night. (Avatar is AMAZING. Go see it. Right now. Go on...off with you you can read this later...) At the theatre we ran into a casual acquaintance through school we hadn't seen for years...and didn't really want to. Now I must clarify that this person isn't a bad person...I don't strongly dislike them or anything...I'm more ambivalent to them. I have a small amount of gratitude to him, as if I hadn't found him to be so annoying many years ago, I wouldn't have dragged the man I happily ended up marrying along with us when he asked me out for coffee and I didn't want to give him the wrong idea. In a way, I owe him big time. :)
Thing is, we know he and his wife live in town. If we'd wanted to reconnect we would have. I've politely brushed off Facebook contacts, as this person had tended to be clingy and I don't have a lot of free time and I choose how I spend it and who I spend it with. Regurgitated TV humour and casual discussion wears thin really quickly. I just don't have much in common with them.
I'm past the point where I feel bad about myself and just hang out with people for the sole merit of the fact that they will talk to me. I know I have value. I'm OK with myself, by myself. I have taken time as I've grown in confidence and years to choose friends I care deeply for and...well, for a lack of another way to put it, this person was not chosen to be one of them. I'm hoping they don't just start"dropping by" or calling. I don't want to be rude and give them the firm brush off...I just don't have any desire whatsoever to reconnect on anything other than a very casual level. This guy was the sort of person that would just be around as he knows you'll be too nice to tell him to go away...so you end up spending time with him. I don't want him just randomly stopping by my house...somehow (I assume through mutual old friends) they know where we live (?creepy?). Meh. If I'd wanted to reconnect I would have. It's too bad, as I actually find his wife to be nice...but I can't take one without the other.
I resent feeling like a bad person over this. I don't think I would avoid them if I ran into them or if they wanted to go out for coffee once in a blue moon, but I dislike them wanting to insert themselves into my life. They weren't there before. If I'd wanted them there I would have reconnected years ago.
How does one politely banish someone to the ether from whenst they came? It's all just oddly disconcerting...
3 comments:
I don't know what you're talking about. I wasn't anywhere near the theatre last night.
I'm not sure. I avoid people just by staying home and not being able to answer phone calls. :D But that doesn't help you. I found this website:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2074996_avoid-someone.html
I suspect that Dear Abby would tell you to reply with, "No, thank you. Maybe some other time," or just, "No, thank you," if you don't want there ever to be another time. If he takes the hint, fine. If he doesn't, then it's up to him to ask you why -- or not. (If he does ask at some point, be honest. You'll fret less about hurting his feelings than you would about lying to him.)
I just don't have much in common with them. That's how I feel about my own brothers. At least you won't run into this guy at family gatherings.
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