Deep thoughts on a sleep deprived sunny morning

There is a fine waffly wibbley balance between striving for your best, and becoming self depreciating. Goals are good. Pushing yourself is good, but when you are your own worst critic, sometimes you have to take a break. Stop and think. Just be.
I struggle with all I do to keep it together. To find some sanity and time alone with my husband, who I don't see nearly enough of, and some peace in my rampant brain. I could just complain about it, but the reality is that until I finish school there will always be more to do: more to read, numbers to crunch, things to write, clothes to wash, houses to clean. There is always exercise to do so I'm strong and healthy to meet the challenges of the day - always food to eat to nourish me. The necessity of looking after me without going mental about it all. Much. BUT...I must remember: There will still be J to hug, tea to sip, sunbeams to curl up in and sometimes...just sometimes...precious moments to myself where I've nothing to do but just BE. In the past year I have learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. That my husband loves me utterly and completely and when I can't keep going, he'll hold me until I can.

And so another day begins.
I'm not perfect. I should not have to be...


image

Netbooks are really spiffy

image
Help me great pulsating brain at the center of the universe...for I am doomed.

I have 3 weeks of insanity coming up in which I have many many assignments due, as well as a poster presentation and my semi-annual MSc paper and lecture. Oh and, you know, just my regular job...and MSc labwork. I am trying not to wig out. Only 4 more weeks until the semester is over and I get my life back for a while.

In an attempt to try and do more I broke down and got a little netbook so I can uplink to my work PC from home and use the PC compatible software I need at home, as well as have my work PC run all my high powered technical stuff from home (because my netbook would freeze if I tried to make it do that). My little robot is a definitely worth the few hundred dollars I paid for it if it does all it is made out to. I didn't want to buy a whole new full computer and so I ignored the whole PC issue until I did a bit of reading up on netbooks and how they're compatible with my work network and just what I could accomplish for a small amount of cash. I kept ignoring the PC issue because my Mac laptop works just fine, but the incompatibility of it, combined with my desire to not spend 18 hours a day here at work (and nearly losing my mind on a few occasions) ended up with me getting this little unit. I am already feeling it was well worth it and I've only just set it up for use. Sure it isn't very powerful, but I have a laptop for anything more than the basics. I have to say it is cool getting just what I need for something to solve my IT problems in such a futuristic way. I am looking forward to seeing how this little guy helps me out with all my work and keeps me sane in my MSc to come.

We shall see...

But at any rate...like i said. Crazy town time.

I will be so busy I cannot even say for the next while. Don't take it personally if I'm not posting.

I'm just working my ass off and trying to keep it together.Please stand by - I may not be back until the semester is over...wish me luck...

LATER: after initial tests the robit does everything it should admirably. Not as super swift as my Mac...but that'll do pig, that'll do.
Plus it has a webcam.
Giggedy...:)

I am slowly going crazy, 1,2,3,4,5,6, switch!

Well hello there.
Here I am again at the lovely Chez Laboratory, in my home away from home. Yesterday was a 15 hour day and more of the same today...I have a stat assignment due and cell lines to culture and more MSc stuff. Busy...but somehow thriving on it. Something about throwing my wobbler and then making a game plan for what to do next has taken away some of the jibbelies and gotten me focused again. I have deadlines. I thrive with deadlines. J is equally busy with his job so we're cheering each other on and trying to get things done for a few moments home together...

image
My knee is still a bit twingy from the spin class abuse on monday so I gave it another day off and have just come in early to work to have a few minutes to sip coffee and check in on the interwebs and get my sh*t together before another long day.

In the end, eez gutt people. :)

Yesterday morning a sparrow flew in the bus and fluttered a bit and then settled in on the steering wheel of the bus, much to the joy of the driver. He was looking at me (it was 6:05 and I was the only one on the bus at first!), the road and the bird saying "look at the little guy!" and grinning madly. Eventually the bird flew near the back door and someone getting off managed to shoo it back outside...odd little things in my day keep happening to make me smile. I like to think the world is trying to keep me sane in what little ways it can :)

You're in the rhubarb now my dear...

Eat the rhubarb.
EAT IT.
I can't bring myself to cut the flower. It's amazing...

Crazy? Don't mind if I do!

You know when you're ranting and yelling at cells in a tube, then trying to coerce them with music and sweet talk to grow, then putting lucky charms on top of the growth chamber that you are, perhaps, spending too much time in the lab.
Thing is, I need these cancer lines to grow up well so I can finish screening the cell lines...before I try and go on holidays and start *other* parts of my project. Living organisms do not always behave normally. Human tissue was never meant to grow in a tube. And for me, they're like the cornerstone I build the rest of my project on.
Stubborn little finicky cornerstones...that I am beginning to think are making little tiny nuclear faces at me behind my back.

I am actually looking forward to going to my Dad's house this weekend. My sis-in-law can't come but my brother is going to instead. And that is just right. I think I need a whole 2 days of no cells to torment me with their non growiness and time away from this project to have a fresh set of eyes for my culture issues.
It might not be restful, but it will be different...