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Friday, April 22, 2011

Yes I've still got it and it's not for you.

I went to see MSTRKRFT and the Crystal Method spin DJ sets last night. It was a great show...good music. We met up with some friends and danced our faces off...The music was great, and it was at a local bar I've never been to. It was set up well, nice place with lots of room to dance and not too crowded...it was, however, a reminder of the crappiness of our current culture.

Once again, I was rubbed the wrong way (literally) by "club" culture. You see - I'm a child of the ravey hippyish sort of dance culture - happy, kind people there to enjoy the music. Some of them genuinely odd, but while they may pay you a compliment or check you out, it's civil and respectful and you don't have to worry about a smile to an occasional stranger ending up with a groping or someone assuming you're "out on display" and try to pick you up. I can smile and say "thanks, I'm here with someone" and that's the end of that and we can be friends and share a beer and a dance.
You know -normal behaviour?

I have no problem with someone finding me attractive and wanting to talk to me or ask me if I came with someone. I find it funny really. Why? Well, the thing is, I grew up a tomboy. A fat tomboy at that. I'm not a social animal...I've really come out of my shell the the last few years. To me, guys are pals...I actually get along with them better than girls. When I talk to guys I don't think of them *that* way. I smile at people and look them in the eye when I talk to them. Perhaps the fact that I am happily married removes that whole factor from me entirely when I interact with other people. The thing is - in all other parts of life if I smile and make small talk with someone it does not give them a free ticket to try and grab my ass.
And so why -WHY in a club is this different?

And so I appeal to all men out there.
Yes you.
This is important.

Women are people. Individuals. We are more than our appearance and we are fascinating creatures...witty -intelligent. It's OK if you find us attractive - that is flattering....but *think* before you act- how would you want to be treated? How would you like your SISTER treated? What gives you the right to make any physical contact with someone else without their permission? If you make a venture out to see if someone is interested and the girl tells you "no thanks" or "I'm happily married" or especially "you're making me uncomfortable" that means hit the road. Walking up to someone and trying to grope them, touch them, kiss them or otherwise be icky and animalistic only goes to show just how little of a man you really are.

Let me be clear on this, as there seems to be some of you who didn't get the memo- it doesn't matter what we wear, where we go or if we are nice to you - women are NOT objects. We are not asking for it. We are not obligated to perform or please you in any way unless we so choose.
Get over it.
Grow up.
Be a man.

The thing is - even if I were single...even if I were lonely...this sort of approach disgusts me. It's not the sexy part - I get that. I understand attraction and lust and desire, and I can admire someone who is physically attractive to me - but seriously people -to act creepy in a PUBLIC place...if you're willing to act like this in a public place? I don't want to know you. This demonstrates to me far more about your character than I can ever explain to you.
And don't blame it on the booze. I know plenty of guys who can be very drunk indeed and still not become Mr. Copafeel...it all comes down to YOU and how you feel about yourself and others and women in general. This stuff matters...

I'm tired of people going "oh you know guys! They're just that way!"

Bullshit.

My husband is NOT that way.
My friends are not that way.
It is not OK.

Please -aim for something higher. Something better.
I'm tired of this sort of thing...

3 comments:

Peter T Chattaway said...

A man I didn't know grabbed my ass once. I was walking past a gay bar on the way home after a date with D, and as I passed a few guys, one of them reached down and squeezed. The funny thing was, the date with D had gone so well, I was in such a good mood that I almost didn't mind sharing the joy. Had it happened on any other occasion, though...

Trent said...

Hey Baby! Nice can. http://blog.epromos.com/images/designer-pepsi-can.jpg

azusmom said...

Ugh, I hear ya!
Why, in 2011, are we STILL fighting this battle?!?!?! When will people realize that women aren't THINGS?!?!?!
There's a line in the Pink song "You and Your Hand" in which she sings "We didn't get all dressed up just for you to see."
So true!!!!