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Thursday, February 10, 2011

Deep thoughts on a sleep deprived sunny morning

There is a fine waffly wibbley balance between striving for your best, and becoming self depreciating. Goals are good. Pushing yourself is good, but when you are your own worst critic, sometimes you have to take a break. Stop and think. Just be.
I struggle with all I do to keep it together. To find some sanity and time alone with my husband, who I don't see nearly enough of, and some peace in my rampant brain. I could just complain about it, but the reality is that until I finish school there will always be more to do: more to read, numbers to crunch, things to write, clothes to wash, houses to clean. There is always exercise to do so I'm strong and healthy to meet the challenges of the day - always food to eat to nourish me. The necessity of looking after me without going mental about it all. Much. BUT...I must remember: There will still be J to hug, tea to sip, sunbeams to curl up in and sometimes...just sometimes...precious moments to myself where I've nothing to do but just BE. In the past year I have learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. That my husband loves me utterly and completely and when I can't keep going, he'll hold me until I can.

And so another day begins.
I'm not perfect. I should not have to be...


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2 comments:

Marste said...

Nobody is perfect.

I'm dealing with similar things(or at least thinking about them in a similar way) - trying to pay attention to what I'm doing right now instead of worrying about how much I have to do tomorrow.

diddums said...

What I usually do is retreat to bed with a book and a bear... the book takes me out of my own world into a more interesting one that doesn't attempt to draw me back into my present.

More and more, computers are something to retreat from rather than find refuge in... even the graphics applications (where in theory you can turn off the internet and stop checking for emails) are hemmed about with do's and don'ts and licenses and restrictions and attempts to make you buy more things by the same companies... it all makes you quite disillusioned. This is turning into a blog rant of my own. :-)