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Friday, March 07, 2008

Sadness is a barnacle clinging to your bright boat

I'm a miserable punt at the moment. Yes, with a capital p.
Anyone have some happy juice?

Life appears to be conspiring to make us miserable. Little things building on others to pick away at the shiny veneer of my brain, to add shadows and gloom to the things I see and do. We're both on edge and up until this morning I felt rather bad physically, which wasn't helping.
And on top of all the minutia of life, J's sweet Nana, who helped raise him, who has been suffering with Alzheimer's for many years and is a frail memory of her former self, is not doing well. It feels strange to worry and feel relief at the same time at her decline...it really is time...and I feel guilty for feeling that way. And I worry for J as well -when he hurts I hurt. Guilt and sorrow don't particularly mix and they just add fuel to the stress and annoyance already about. And I worry I won't be a good partner to help him right now when I am, honestly, a miserable punt.
I'm not even sure why I'm typing this, as I'm just spreading my moroseness to all of you, but right now, quite frankly, I'm at a loss and J is far away from me at his work. Knowing he is there and I am here and he is more morose than I just compounds it all. I just needed to put it in words to look at it so I can banish it to the winds and get on with my day.
I'm going to go wallow in some soup.
Some happy soup...or maybe some Happiness Pie

I'll be back later after I've had some Gleemonex.

5 comments:

diddums said...

I don't know what you did to my coffee girl, but it went cold on the spot. ;-)

Delilah sends you her most rumbling purrs (though rather kittenish ones).

Magnus said...

The Blue Barnacle of Sadness.

the Bag Lady said...

So sorry to hear of the troubles in your life right now. The Bag Lady is sending good thoughts to you, and to J's nana.

the Bag Lady said...

I meant to say to you and J and his nana...sheesh. Sometimes the Bag Lady is a dolt.

Pacian said...

Seeing how much my grandmother has hurt my mum since she started to go senile, I sympathise.