What Sarah Said

Nominee for sainthood

I am seriously considering nominating my Mum for sainthood. The woman's strength and faith never cease to amaze me.
It has been a long week...good and bad in many ways. My sister flew down New Year's Day to visit for a week and I am very glad she is here. It has been a real time for family closeness - my family is strongest when together and we are able to lean on each other. It has meant a lot to Mum that we are all here and able to really visit, even though I know she'd rather be home. My sis wanted to come and visit and not just come when it was "too late" and I completely agree with her thinking. She's been a great comfort and company for Mum and Dad, as my brother and I cannot get away from all our obligations (curse you work).
And poor Mum...Mum is comfortable, but I am sad to say that it is looking more and more like there may not be too much they can do for her heart. She is simply old and weak, and her poor heart is just not very strong, and has many many problems. She is not in pain, which I am eternally grateful for, but is so very tired and her appetite is not good. She's got excellent care and they are doing what they can for her, but the fluid is still staying with her so she is always short of breath. If we are very lucky she might get to come home and rest there, but I'm starting to think that may be too hopeful...we shall see.

I was up today and had lunch with her. She had soup and a bit of fruit as she's just not hungry...she seemed a bit down, as she had a procedure this morning to try and clear out her lungs a bit-they drained one side. She said it helped for a little while, but her breathing sounded worse to me by the time I got there. I was really hoping it would give her a few days of relief and a bit easier time of it, but it doesn't seem to be the case. I could tell she was very dissapointed...but she never said anything negative. Unbelievable.
She has lots of visitors to help her pass the time, and lots of family are coming to visit from all over, but sometimes...well, she just looks so sad. I can't imagine what it's like to have time to think and have come to terms with your own mortality like that.
She really is a saint though - still smiles and talks when she can and never complains. Never.
She is calm and mostly at peace with everything, and honestly ready for whatever happens. She's not angry or bitter, even when she is disappointed like she was this morning from the procedure not helping very much. I know she's just glad to be with us whenever we can come.
We're all just trying to enjoy the time we have together. It's hard, but we have each other to lean on.
It's just so very sad.
Still -I'm grateful for this time we all have together. So many people aren't given a gift like this. I plan on making the most of it, whatever "it" is.
I probably won't be posting too much in the next while...but thank you all for your kind thoughts and wishes.
Later taters...

Whew...what a day

Well, yesterday was a bit of an adventure...we returned home from seeing Avatar again (so good) to find a number of messages about my Mum being airlifted to the hospital here in town from the smaller city one she was at near the cabin. I was quite worried at first, but I am overjoyed now that she is here. Because her heart beats weakly and rather erratically, her lungs and ankles have slowly filled up with fluid over the past week or so, and until they can get her heart stronger they can't give her too many water pill meds to reduce the fluid as it would lower her blood pressure too much. So that is why they flew her here where the experts are so they can figure out what to do...and I am so glad.
The doctors here in the hospital where I work are indeed the best in the province...and I am being selfish in that I can now go visit her and see her. Last night after the messages, a call to my brother relaxed me a bit, as he had been in to see her and said that while she was not well, she is not critical yet. J and I went down to see here in emergency for a bit.
Today a cardiologist who I know and trust will be seeing her today and getting her set straight, and working to get her heart stronger. They are moving her out of emerg once a bed is free and will begin to remove the fluid from her lungs and legs. Once *that* is looked after they can focus on her heart meds more...for some reason the doctor she saw a few weeks ago had decided to reduce her water medication...and this is the result of it all. That particular doc is on holidays now, so we don't even know why he chose to do that and they are basically starting over from scratch to fix all of that...grrr. I'm sure he had reasons, but all I know is I sure am glad Mum is here under the care of someone I trust.

Last night she was in relatively good spirits, despite not being able to keep much food down or breathe very well, but she was cracking smiles and the people looking after her are doing a great job. My dad is here in town at my brother's now as well, having packed up the lake, so he can visit and be here. I'm hoping to see him this afternoon for a bit and will be off to visit mum again this afternoon. I'm hoping the cardiologist has been able to start helping her out and that they've moved her to somewhere a bit more quiet so she can get some rest. It's been a tough few days for her. For such a tiny lady she's very very strong. I wish her heart could keep up with her...
I for one was just glad to see her with my own eyes...I know she's far from being OK, but she's under good care and we are all together. For now that is enough.

Christmas is in the house

Christmas day in our house was nice and mellow this year...what a pleasant way to spend the day.
There were a few top things for the day:
For J - the Ghostbuster's car...
For me - GIANT DOMO!!!

I'm glad that another Christmas is done.
This Christmas was quite nice, as it was a lot slower and relaxed.

J and I just spent a relaxing day together, and then had family dinner on Boxing Day. Then Magnus and I attempted authentic coq au van yesterday. Not too shabby. Never had a capon before...I don't know as I'd do it again soon as it was a LOT of work, but combined with the oven roast potatoes, asparagus and cheddar beer bread (thanks robot) it was pretty tasty...quite enough tasty food for a while though I think. Back to regular old foods...

Craftwise it all went well. I made 3 kinds of napkins for the sister in law:

And then bunnyhugs/jackets and hats for my 3 nieces.

I'm particularly happy with the one I made for my oldest neice- the ribboned fleece just looks so nice.

And now today I plan on sewing for myself...I have had fabric and a pattern for a bellydance choli for a while, so I' going to get started on that to keep busy.
My Dad just called and my Mum is back in the hospital again...so I'm trying not to worry while they readjust her water pills and try and get her feeling better, so she's not retaining fluids and can breathe easier. Their plans for new years at the lake are done...Dad is heading back to close up things and hopefully they will let her go home soon. Poor Dad is so worried...I'm trying to keep busy on my week off and do pleasant things to pass the time, as there's not much else I can do.

Hope you all are having a relaxing holiday...

Jingle Bells

Merry Christmas Everyone :)

Holiday Tunes

Given that my husband is a bit of a humbug, I tend to listen to Christmas music at work as I can't get enough of the stuff. Happily on Christmas day it's fair game for any and all tunes at home...but until then, my favourite online radio station SOMA FM has a holiday channel, full of classic Christmas tunes. I love it...they also have Christmas In Frisko - a much more irreverent random mix of holiday music. Not always SFW, but nice and weird...

It's a cool change from the usual Groove Salad, Sonic Universe or Secret Agent channels from SOMA I listen to here at work. They've got all genres, and Big Earl the cumputer helps the good people there play great mixes of music...
Check them out...they make my day fly by :)

Ho Ho Ho my good peeps...

Christmas rant to my coworkers

Hi everybody!

You're all cool, so I feel I can say this: for the love of Pete (hi Pete), PLEASE stop trying to make me eat crap food with you.
I am eating healthy. I work out. It's the way I am now.
Yes I'm thin.
Guess why?
Yes! It's cuz I don't shove every available piece of baked good, chocolate or junk food in my piehole just because it is there anymore. Just because it's Christmas I don't need to "treat" myself any more than any other time of the year. Thing is, I'm an all or nothing gal. I can't have "just one" - I'm not wired that way. And, yes, I do still indulge in food that isn't good for me...but it's what *I* want. And I thoroughly enjoy it.

PLEASE - Stop getting big pieces of sugary or fat-filled foods that I don't like and have already politely refused and breaking it in half, eating "your half" ("oh, it's only "half" of it so it's not so bad for you-there there dear...") and pushing the other half at me and trying to force me to eat it. Stop saying "Go on! You're thin! Eat it!" It's' wierd. It keeps happening. You can save it for later. Or throw it out. I don't want it - if I did I would have eaten it. If you want it just eat it. Don't foist your guilt on me. It's all yours baby.

I am human. Rest assured this holiday season I plan on cozying up to some shortbread and Mum's nuts and bolts topped off with mulled wine and rummy eggnog and having at them like any respectable holiday goon.

But they're my indulgences on my terms.
Capiche?

Thanks..

Avatar

I have to say - I was quite blown away by Avatar.

I think James Cameron is a great director and most of what he's done in the past has been solid action with cinematic innovation and brilliant effects. Usually I enjoy his films. Past favourites are Aliens and The Abyss...and Terminator 2.

Avatar is no less than brilliant. Even if you choose to overlook the stunning 3D aspects of the film, it is so *full* of imagination. The world that this film takes place on is beautiful, and Cameron has created unique and fascinating cultures and characters. And really - a huge plus? Well, the scientists in the film...they too are *real*. So often scientists (and the science) in films aren't "right"-too nerdy or mundane. In avatar, they were akin to my colleagues...real enough that I could picture myself there in the lab working with them. (man what a job *that* would be :)

This whole film is stunning. If I had to quibble, I could say that the dialog wasn't always perfect...but it was *real* -usually what actual people would say and do. And in the end it worked for me. Seeing the jarhead marine who lost the use of his legs begin to live in his avatar, learning the culture of the planet to try and negotiate with the people there...amazing. The bioluminescent world, and the culture of the tribal people who live there? Beautiful...and fascinating. It was like a great fantasy novel blurred into futuristic reality. With some action thrown in too. It's been a while since I walked from the theater happily excited with a mind full of new ideas.

Bwaha.

I anticipate seeing this a few more times over the holiday season...

But first, tonight is ebelskivers and a play and tomorrow is my last day of work before 10 days off work. It snowed about 4 inches overnight...everything is coated in the fluffy white stuff just in time. It really feels like Christmas. I'm all set with eggnog. Bring it on!

I hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring ting tingling too...

"These aren't the droids you're looking for. Move along. Move along..."

I may end up looking like a bit of an ass to all of you by writing about this, and maybe I should just keep my mouth shut all together,but I'm hoping that spewing it out will help me figure out what to do...or that at least if I'm way off base you all can set me straight. Nothing major...just an oddity.
I'm a little off mentally, as we ran into someone I knew many years ago after seeing Avatar last night. (Avatar is AMAZING. Go see it. Right now. Go on...off with you you can read this later...) At the theatre we ran into a casual acquaintance through school we hadn't seen for years...and didn't really want to. Now I must clarify that this person isn't a bad person...I don't strongly dislike them or anything...I'm more ambivalent to them. I have a small amount of gratitude to him, as if I hadn't found him to be so annoying many years ago, I wouldn't have dragged the man I happily ended up marrying along with us when he asked me out for coffee and I didn't want to give him the wrong idea. In a way, I owe him big time. :)
Thing is, we know he and his wife live in town. If we'd wanted to reconnect we would have. I've politely brushed off Facebook contacts, as this person had tended to be clingy and I don't have a lot of free time and I choose how I spend it and who I spend it with. Regurgitated TV humour and casual discussion wears thin really quickly. I just don't have much in common with them.

I'm past the point where I feel bad about myself and just hang out with people for the sole merit of the fact that they will talk to me. I know I have value. I'm OK with myself, by myself. I have taken time as I've grown in confidence and years to choose friends I care deeply for and...well, for a lack of another way to put it, this person was not chosen to be one of them. I'm hoping they don't just start"dropping by" or calling. I don't want to be rude and give them the firm brush off...I just don't have any desire whatsoever to reconnect on anything other than a very casual level. This guy was the sort of person that would just be around as he knows you'll be too nice to tell him to go away...so you end up spending time with him. I don't want him just randomly stopping by my house...somehow (I assume through mutual old friends) they know where we live (?creepy?). Meh. If I'd wanted to reconnect I would have. It's too bad, as I actually find his wife to be nice...but I can't take one without the other.

I resent feeling like a bad person over this. I don't think I would avoid them if I ran into them or if they wanted to go out for coffee once in a blue moon, but I dislike them wanting to insert themselves into my life. They weren't there before. If I'd wanted them there I would have reconnected years ago.
How does one politely banish someone to the ether from whenst they came? It's all just oddly disconcerting...

In the week before Christmas my Geo sewed for me...

28 dinner napkins
2 bunny hugs
and a fuzzy toque of fleece, Mee hee... :)

I'm in the home stretch.
We've gotten the gifts we've had to buy (is it just me or are the stores particularly crowded with particularly grumpy people this year??) and I'm nearly done making the rest.
So. Much. Fun. I love making gifts.

I've serged up 3 sets of nice dinner napkins for my sis-in-law and two of the 3 bunny hugs are done for my 3 little nieces. Grandma has her bath salts...and I can see the end of it all. One little jacket to go! Victory photos when I'm done...I promise.

I had a nice visit with Mom & Dad. We worked out the grand scheme for renos when they are here in January. Mom is tired, but doing OK. They're safely home again.
Add to that a family dinner today with Mennonite cabbage rolls, deer sausage and tonnes of turkey and I must say:
Ho Ho Ho!

I am not a number! I am free man!

Just got my student number...
This shit's for real.



...Yo?