Open letter to the cats

Dear Gavin and Geek,

I don't know which one of you is doing this (altho I have my suspicions), but I want to ask you both: could you PLEASE stop randomly pooping under the table? I don't have time to shampoo the rug and really have other things more pressing to look into right now. I know you're both very old, but I ask that you try to keep it together if you can.

If you do not desist I will take a dump in your food dish and see how you prefer it.

Charmed I'm sure.
Geo.