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Monday, January 17, 2011

Home safe

Well I'm back.
Thank frog.
This weekend was strange. I enjoyed it but it was harder than I thought.
Dad and I worked our asses off...all friday night packing and sorting and 14 hours saturday packing and sorting. Sunday...3 more hours before I finally headed home with a purple van FULL of stuff. But we got the majority of the whole house packed and sorted. Dad just has a few remainders left that he can definitely do on his own.
I am so very glad I went. I walked into the house to see my Dad surrounded by *stuff* and he looked up at me, his lip quivering...he simply said "I'm so glad you're here" and hugged me, bursting into tears. And then and there I was glad I was there. For him and for me. I knew it was the place I should be.

Together we packed up 30 odd years of their life...sorting. I think that was the weirdest part for Dad. The sheer amount of things to sort through. How does one decide what to keep? It was so hard to not feel guilty when we put something in the box for Sally Ann with a memory attached...or threw it out. In the end there is a lot to give away, some to keep. I have 3 or 4 boxes of things that matter to me and I brought back a box or so for all us kids to go thru sometime, and a few things for my brother. The reader's digest condensed version of our lives sorted into a few small boxes.

The local school that was closed has been turned into a community centre. There's a little cafe now. We ate there while we worked to save time(nothing says grease like 3 diner meals in one day...blech!). I saw a few people I haven't seen in a long time...

The weather this weekend was evil. Icy cold with wind and snowing the whole time. The roads down going home were not too bad, but coming home they were not good...quite icy in patches. In the city the roads were skating rinks. I was so relieved to be back in the city, safe with my purple boat full of heavy things...and then a block from my brothers I attempted to turn a corner and the van and ice decided I should keep right on going into a snowbank. Very disconcerting...but no one else was around thankfully. Not a huge thing... I was not going very fast and I was not hurt although at the end of an emotional weekend and a 3 hour icy highway drive it was not the way I wanted to end things. Unfortunately the front corner of the bumper is crunchied from hitting the icy drift so that is $$ I'd rather not spend, but I'm grateful to have made it home on those roads. I managed to unload my brother's gear (after he and a few other kind souls helped get me out of the snowbank near his house). I then went home to sob with J for a bit over all I'd been through and let the adrenaline filter out of my toes...and finally felt home. Where I belong. Where I feel safe. A few hugs, some coffee and chinese takeaway and I was myself again. Finally.

I am grateful about this weekend though. I got to say goodbye to my old home. I got to see a lot of things from my childhood I thought were gone. There were a few things that Mum kept from long before my time that both I and Dad have never seen. And most of all - to be there for Dad. I am so lucky to have a wonderful Dad and to know I can help him. To know that he needs me...I could not have refused. I think I'll always remember the look on his face when I drove away. He watched me all the way down the block, waving as I turned onto the highway...smiling sadly. He and I knowing it was the last time...after so many times...that he and I would do this ritual at that spot.
So very strange.
And I'm glad to be home. My home. Full of all my memories and hopes and dreams and that guy I can share them with.
Hopefully the in-laws won't be too annoyed I crunchied up their van fender. I have to call and tell them today. Ah well...I'll get it fixed as soon as I can. I agree with J...it's just money. We'll figure it out. I'm fine and that's what matters.

Hug the ones you love today. It's a good feeling.

1 comments:

the Bag Lady said...

I knew it. I knew if I read this post, it would make me cry.