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Sunday, January 22, 2012

I'm falling a part I tells ya

Good lord I hope this isn't a sign of the oldiness to come. I've been mincing about and favouring my bad knee for the past week . An attack of random bursitis has made stairs rather painful, and I"m pretty much back to normal on that regard. Haven't been able ot work out or anything...just rest up. And yesterday I awoke to a pinched stiff *something* in my shouldery backish parts. Like I'm stiff in one really specific spot, only I'm not. Just enough to intrude on my consciousness but not enough to hurt good an properly. I've been rocking the heat pack and trying to avoid my thesis as actively as possible...hoping it will fade soon. I miss the morning workouts...I"m falling apart before my eyes...

Yesterday was lovely, despite being rather unproductive. I've been working at being more present in my life. I really need to be taking the time to focus on whatever I am doing and feel and experience it all..not just a means to an end to fall exhausted into bed and do it all over again. There was a little too much of that...it got to be normal. This weekend has been a reversal of that. Yesterday was a day of life with J. Random errands. Baked oatmeal with bananas. Even took an evening to relax and watch Voyage of the Dawn Treader...a book I read a zillion times as a kid. Loved it thoroughly. There were also lovely tasty things. I made pizza from scratch that was, quite honestly and randomly, the best pizza I've ever made. Add in some espresso vodka martinis and finally tasting some of the lemoncello I'd hidden away with a vanilla bean infusing into it (heavenly) and it was a tasty relaxing evening. Yes. Good show everyone.
Today we wandered out to a new little hole in the wall with a friend which we will definitely return to...the Hollows. Had breakfast poutine. Oh my...it had bacon...and a runny poached egg...cheesy curds. Add some peach rooibus tea and it was a tasty way to start the day. I'm currently working on some fresh cheesey spiced rolls (with the help of my bread robot) and will whip up some pumpkin peanut soup for supper to go with them eventually. Precious little thesis getting done I must admit, but strangely, I am not as concerned about it as I could be (should be?). Truth is, I had to step back from it a while...to stop giving it power over me. Working on it made me tense...and dread that "november" would return. That crazy evil month that I somehow survived and thrived in but would never ever on this earth wish to repeat for my own sanity really did a number on me...I didn't realise it at the time. After a bit of time away I finally feel like I can work on my thesis without imploding or being an asshat to the ones around me out of sheer worry or stress. I feel like I am *living* again...with bits of life and everyday things in their more proper place of attention. With J right by me cheering me on, instead of being waved off into a corner in a cloud of stress. I really do need to get to it and write more. And I will.
But, I think I may figure this life thing out yet...

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