Well THAT was humiliating...

Tonight was rehearsal practice...a long one. It went well except for the part when the guest critique coach asked me to do my solo.
Yeah...that part wasn't so good.
I essentially haven't practised my solo for a while. At least a week...and before that my instructor and I went through my routine and added a bunch of hand movements and movements around the stage to enhance it....so essentially it's all mud in my mind. I have gone over it in my head since then but haven't really practiced with intention. And so when I did it for her...I sucked. I'm not just being self deprecating...it was probably the worst I've ever done it. I was very embarrassed. I finished it, but I wasn't proud...I just wanted to leave.
Yeah...nothing like bombing in front of the whole class. She was kind and said she'd work with me next week and drill me, and had a lot of useful suggestions, but I was so bad...I could see in her eyes that she was a bit at a loss for words. Add to that the fact that I haven't felt that well all day (something I ate), and it's been a sucktastic evening overall...
I wanted to tell her I'm usually better than that, but I would have just come off as a gibbering person trying to make excuses.
Good times.

I finally made it home on the bus, moping my heart out. I am now drowning my sorrows in a beer and some food. When J is done work we are going out dancing. On my terms. A little funk is what I need right now...to shake this.

So...a weeks worth of a lot of practicing I think, so I can show her what I can actually do next week. Now that I'm not fighting technology or burning my own weight in DVDs apparently I have some work to do...